I have been suicidal since I was fifteen. I still think about killing myself, but I work very hard to find other methods of dealing with my feelings and problems in life.

I used to cut, but I don't anymore, because I realize that it is not a constructive way of dealing with my problems, and it only compounds my negativity. When I have thoughts of a depressed, pessimistic nature, or about cutting, I try to do something positive to deal with whatever is on my mind. It takes an active effort.

For me, suicide is different. I don't think of killing myself only as a way of dealing with (or not dealing with--that is, escaping) my issues. Instead, I have suicidal thoughts when I feel that my chances of achieving long-term success and happiness are so diminished that the attempt is not worth it.

I do not believe in a god. There is no one to stop me, no one to punish me.

Atlas Shrugged is my favorite novel, and I most identified with the character of Cheryl. This character killed herself when the injustice of the world around her became too much for her to deal with. I feel the injustice all around me. I believe in morality, and the fog of gray morality surrounding me is suffocating. Ayn Rand, the author of Atlas Shrugged, expressed views regarding moral and immoral methods of killing oneself.

I do not believe it is wrong to kill myself. However, I believe in myself, in the value of my happiness, in the ability and goodness I possess, and I want to give this life all I've got before I concede defeat.

I was reading a deviation and was struck by a few statistics that reminded me of the injustice I feel and the fact that our ways of coping are limited and often seem hopeless.


GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) youth make up over 30% of suicides each year.

Every 5 hours and 48 minutes, a GLBT youth commits successful suicide.

Every 14 minutes, a GLBT youth attempts suicide.

Being gay is not a person's whole identity. Some of these people have other issues, like me, but the burden of being 'a sexual deviant' is heavy. I know what I believe, what I feel, and what I must do, for as long as I can. However, I'm sure that some of these deaths are not necessary. These deaths are not of homosexuals alone; they are the deaths of human beings. Some were good, I'm sure. Some were able. Some should have made it.